that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
