Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
