So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
