Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
