I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
