My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
