Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
