What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
