remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
