went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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