the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
