When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
