You can't special order awesome
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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