i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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