I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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