I was born with a shot glass in my hand
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
