Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
