Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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