I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
