no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
