Where is the hickey?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
