What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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