I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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