I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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