How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
