Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Your cock deserves a montage
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
