bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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