11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
