please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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