So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
