So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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