im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
