he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
