Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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