i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
