So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
