those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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