Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize