i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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