I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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