Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
