Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
