Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
