your parents love me but you hate me
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
