I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
