Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
