dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
