I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
