I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
