I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
did you just send me my own nude
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
