I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
