My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
