We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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