this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
