A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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