The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
