its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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