I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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