That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
