a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
