whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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