She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
