you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
