The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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