theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You are the jesus of drinking
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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