i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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