I just made out with a guy for $7.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
