ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
even my farts smell like vagina
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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