i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
