He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
