I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
