please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
